OK, give it a try. Take your right hand and place it on your left shoulder. Now take your left hand and place it on your right shoulder. Squeeze. What do you feel? Nothing? Maybe a little pressure? Yes? No? It’s not surprising. A sense of “feeling” that is filled with energy and emotion comes to us, not when we embrace ourselves, but when we embrace and are embraced by others.
Touch is a primal need for members of the human race. It is as essential for our survival as air, food, clothing and shelter. Touch releases increased amounts of the hormone oxytocin also known as the love hormone. Touch can lower our blood pressure, reduce our stress level and increase our longevity. Without touch, we would die. So, we touch each other. We shake hands, hold hands, kiss our beloved, slap our best buddy on the back or the backside and we hug.
Of all the human forms of touch, hugging is unique since it has the power to cover the full spectrum of emotion: comfort, strength, love, joy, sorrow, even fear. Hugging sets our nerve endings vibrating. It connects us to one another and provides a wonderful form of intimacy. Hug therapy specialists tell us we need four hugs a day for basic human survival, eight hugs for maintenance and twelve hugs or more for growth.
But what if we don’t have someone to hug? What if we’re far from home? What if we’re isolated and distanced from those we love? What if we’ve lost our spouse or partner? What about those who are desperately searching through the carnage in Gaza or Ukraine for family members? How many isolated, homeless, friendless people are out there with no one to embrace them?
In her emotional poem “Minnie Remembers”* late author Donna Swanson tells the story of Minnie, an older woman, living in a care center near the end of her life. As Minnie reflects on her life, she asks the question, “How long has it been since somebody touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years I’ve been a widow. Respected. Smiled at. But never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out.”
Minnie recalls being a child and having her mother stroke her hair. She remembers her youth and the first boy who kissed her. She revisits her honeymoon and the first fumbling attempts at love making with her husband. Minnie remembers how her children hugged her when they were small, but now:
“God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate, as well as dignified and proper? You see, they do their duty. They drive up in their fine cars. They come to my room and pay their respects. They chatter brightly and reminisce. But they don’t touch me. They call me "Mom" or "Mother" or "Grandma". Never Minnie. My mother called me Minnie. So did my friends. Hank called me Minnie, too. But they're all gone now, and so is Minnie. Only Grandma is here. And God, she's lonely!”
The sense of touch—the sense of feeling loved—is connected to our deepest need and our deepest calling as members of the human family. Please, please, please! Make the hug connection! Give someone a hug today!
*1974, Donna Swanson, “Minnie Remembers” from SPLINTERS OF LIGHT
This is an accurate article. IMO
Wonderful, Thanks